It’s a new year, so why not resolve to have better sex? We spoke to top sex and relationship experts to hear their tips—little things you can put into practice tonight! If a woman way to have sex to have a happier and more fulfilling sex life with her husband, she’s got to set aside whatever is distracting her from him—that includes the kids,” says Les Parrott, PhD, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of Crazy Good Sex. Here’s why this is so critical, Dr.
If you can manage to ignore it during sex, it will only intensify your pleasure, says Scott Haltzman, MD, clinical assistant professor at Brown University and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. After all, your husband probably doesn’t notice it anyway. Do you ever find yourself thinking about negative things in the bedroom? Whether it’s about him, you or something else, try to zap those thoughts fast. Nothing will sabotage a woman’s sex life with her husband more than critical thoughts,” says Dr. The key is to relax and be in the moment as much as possible. Remember the emotional side of sex.
Why do studies show that married people have better sex then their wild and crazy single friends, or even their cohabitating pals? Because when you have an emotional connection to the person you are in bed with, the quality of the sex can be richer and deeper. When you’re with your husband, focus on the commitment you have toward each other. It doesn’t sound very sexy, but putting sex on your calendar may be one of the most important things a couple can do, says Levine. Many women are ‘doing it all’—taking care of the kids, having a job and running the household—and it’s getting in the way of ‘doing it.
Our lives are so hectic and sometimes our sex life is moved to the back burner. A quick phone call, e-mail or smile—think about “foreplay” in new ways. Send your husband a steamy text message or an innocent little “I love you” e-mail. It will go a long way in the love department, says Dr.
Sexual intimacy rests on the foundation of emotional intimacy—especially for a woman,” he says. Put a lock on your bedroom door. Nothing quashes desire like a midnight intruder at the door saying, “Mommy, I have to go potty! Parrott says, “If you have little ones, you’re bound to be nervous about them showing up at the most inopportune moment, so eliminate this fear with a simple lock. Untold couples suffer anxiety about this when it is such a simple problem to solve.
Try to keep anger out of the bedroom. For many couples, when you feel bad about your relationship, you feel bad about sex too,” says Dr. When conflict leads to feelings of resentment toward your mate, that can be a red flag for the health of the marriage. The best solution for letting go of the hurt is to stop and try to see your husband’s behavior from his point of view.
When’s the last time you instigated sex? This may be the most important tip of all,” says Dr. Far too many women wait for their husband to make the move. And after a while, this sends an unintended message to him—that you see sex with him as a duty. Make it your goal to initiate sex with him at least once a month.